Slow Way Back

Wow, according to my blog, I have been out for two months.  My last two post were on May 25th and July 6th.  A lot has happened since then and I have finally found that I am slowly on my way back.

As you may or may not know, I’ve had all kinds of interesting challenges.  My official weight has dropped by 17 pounds, according to my doctor’s office.  I got my parents to move from Puerto Rico to Florida, where both their daughters live.  I’m still trying to organize my thought process on the book I was working on.  As I go on, ideas are clearly defined in three different categories, which might make for three distinct books.

All of this has been a little hampered by excessive tiredness.  I wake up tired and I go to sleep tired.  I have not started eating healthy yet.  I did decide to go to the doctor’s office to take care of myself.  It is kind of hard to be the family care taker if my health sucks.

I have had other issues that I might talk about at a later time, when I am feeling better.  They are just as important to take care of and more than private.  Right now, all I want you to know is that we are working on some new things for the blog.

The one thing that I miss more than anything, is blogging about different experiences.  It is coming.  I am also changing some things about the blog and how I transmit ideas.  Stay tuned for that.  For now, whether one person reads this or one million, I want to say, we all have challenges.  They feel less hard when we all do it together.

If you have an idea or are going through something, remember I am listening.  Share your story below.

Day 79 – Define Your Why

Now this might be an interesting way to look at your need for organization.  One thing I have learned in 40 years is that every goal you ever had starts with a very simple question:  why?  You must define your why in order to start.

In my personal case, I thought organizing my apartment was about getting a hold on my clutter.  It seemed like a logical reason.  When I moved to Florida I had a suitcase full of clothes.  Eventually we had air mattresses, a couple of tables and a TV.  The most important thing we brought was our cell phones and my daughter’s mini laptop.  Logically, as we brought more things and purchased more things, the apartment got crowded.  And then, three years in, I went to Puerto Rico and got half of my stuff in boxes to Florida.

I have given away, thrown away and sold many things.  There was no rhyme or reason to my efforts.  There are many goals and dreams I want to accomplish, and all the other ones have a why.  It dawned on me recently that I had not defined my why to the point where it was working for me.

There are two things that are really important to me right now:  my health and my sanity.  Both of them have been compromised in recent months.  My health has had some major hurdles and as a consequence, my sanity has hit some snags as well.  I am having trouble concentrating and remembering things, which is not good when you work in a highly regulated field where everything you do is verified for accuracy.

After supposedly recovering from surgery, I find myself at home again, recovering for what may be a side effect of medication or a warning from my body that I have not healed yet.  Either way, I am home indefinitely.  I noticed that as I clear areas of the house, my family members are getting on the bandwagon and whatever area I clean, they keep that way.  I also noticed that the hardest area to deal with is my bedroom.  And so last night, I started thinking about my why.

I know why I accumulate stuff:  it gives me comfort from the inner demons that I have been able to discover one by one.  The bullies of my youth have become the bullies in my head and little by little, I am working through those in an effort to improve my life and that of all other women that feel like me.  The main bully is inadequacy.  Women tend to feel like they are not good enough for some reason.  In my case, I have always been smart.  I grew up in an era where women were beginning to discover their brains.  I guess the message is not sinking in yet that it is OK to be smart.  I don’t feel like I deserve many things because I am a woman.  Although in my head I believe this is nonsense, somewhere in my heart I still carry some of that feeling that I am less than.  The other bully is the one about beauty.  I used to be beautiful when I was young and I never admitted that to myself for two reasons:  vanity is not a good thing and if I am so beautiful, why do I have so many bullies calling me “witch”.  Witches are not pretty.  So there are my two biggest demons out in the open.  And my stuff, which is usually books, is a comfort from both of those demons.

The why I can’t get organized is a little trickier.  It is not about having stuff.  I can always buy organizing units and put it all away neatly.  I believe that it is time to let go of some of my comforts.  My health demands it.  In this process that I am right now, getting rid of things, including comfort food and belongings, is like a death.  I’ve had too many deaths in my life.  I’m just not sure I want to deal with another one.  And so, I hold on to my stuff and to my clutter, because if I don’t get rid of it all, I am not killing my comfort.

So I ask you: what is your why?  Do you know why you can’t get rid of the cigarettes, the overspending, the food addiction?  Whatever your demon is hides a good reason that you must deal with in order to get rid of your misbehavior.  Share with us what that is on the comments section below.  If you like this message, share it with a friend and help her figure out what her demon is as well.  Thanks.

Procrastination and Fun

Last night I went to the movies with my family to watch “Oz, the Great and Powerful”. Now, for anyone that knows me, they know I am obsessed with anything Wizard of Oz since I was a little girl.

Back home in Puerto Rico, they used to show the movie once a year and I saw it every time.

Once I got married, I bought the anniversary edition on VCR.

When we came to Orlando to the parks, they had an Oz exhibition and I just had to go to see the famous Ruby slippers.

Yes. I can say I am a little crazy when it comes to this story.

Oh, did I mention that I specifically asked for the book for Christmas this year?

So last night, I went to the movies with my family and acted like a five year old the entire time.

And you know what I was thinking about as I saw myself enjoying this so much? We are adults and we procrastinate on having fun. Kids don’t care what anyone thinks. They have fun no matter what.

Fun comes first, everything else comes second.

When do we loose that sense of fun?

I don’t know the answer to that. I promised myself last night I was going to have a lot more fun in my life.

What about you? Do you feel the pressure of being an adult takes away from the silliness of life? We only live once.

Enjoy it and tell me what you think in the comments section below.