Are You IT?

As I sit and read my news feed on Facebook, I notice certain people are always going through some Greek tragedy or another.  That made me wonder if they are playing a very sad version of Tag, You are It.  This is why I ask you today, are you IT?

Let’s face it, life is not so much what happens to us.  It is what we make of what happens to us that matters and colors our existence.  I am not saying that some people are looking for bad things to happen to them.  I understand that some of us have more sobering experiences than others.  What I am saying is that how you work through those experiences is what makes you a victim or a victor.

I have a friend that is always going through something.  First, he fell of his motorcycle.  Later on, he hurt his hand pretty bad.  After that, he had a heart situation.  All of this happened in 2012 and the year is not over.  The funny thing is that when he comments on Facebook, you never hear the good stuff in his life, it is always the bad stuff.  I have another friend whose had a bad patch of luck also.  If he is not in the hospital, one of his kids is.  And yet, this guy still finds the time to make really funny comments and posts to brighten everybody’s day, including himself.  And that is the key.  Both these men are going through similar experiences.  Their health is suffering and thanks to Facebook, we know about it.  Yet one of them chooses to go through it and have a sense of humor, the other one is always in victim mode.

So why am I telling you all this?  Choose your experience and be careful of the payoff.  Very often the payoff for victims is the feeling of “everybody cares about me”.  If you need external validation, you are in trouble.  And by the way, it is ok to share that things are not always great.  If that is all we hear from you, it is unattractive and we get tired of it.

Today, as the first friend is battling a real emergency, people are beginning to leave sarcastic comments on his wall, because they are tired of the whining.  If you are going to expose yourself and your drama to the world, keep two things in mind:

1)  if you only show one side of you, the drama, eventually people are going to tune you off

2)  once you expose yourself in this way, be ready for the comments, good and bad, that will come your way.

Be a good Diva.  AviddivA, for the Diva in All of Us.

Does Fear Grow With Age?

I have often said that I am in my forties.  I’ve also talked about fear, and excitement and about not watching certain tv shows to avoid those sad, scary shows.  I still hear all the horror stories and wonder, does fear grow with age?

When we were kids, we were not afraid of anything.  And for some reason, as I get older, I notice feeling more hypochondriac as the years go by.  If I get the stomach flu, even for one second I will think I have some incurable disease that will kill me.  If my cycle falls out of whack, the first thought is cancer.  Where do we get all these thoughts?  When did we get scared of aging?

In all honesty, we are overloaded with information.  There is a reason why this is called the Information Age.  It is also part of the problem.  We have so much information that we tend to concentrate on the negative and that impacts what we end up doing.

Today I had a very interesting conversation with someone my age.  I asked if every time something went wrong, he ever, if just for a minute, think he was sick and/or dying.  You know what he said?  Every time.  This is not a woman issue, this is a human issue.  We are so afraid of dying that we are scaring ourselves into diseases we may or may not possess.

So what is the solution?  Meditation, prayer, concentrate on positive?  What do you think?  Let me know in the comments section below.

Tired, Cranky and Quitting Smoking

No, I don’t smoke.  When you live with someone who does, and that person decides to quit, your entire house is on the wagon.  Let me give you a play by play.

The day before they quit, everyone is happy and excited.  The first day we are all proud, the box was gone last night.  Then, this wonderful person starts turning into the most annoying thing in your life.  To the point where you wish they would just have a cigarette so you could have your friend (lover, spouse, child, insert person title here) back.

And how about the guilt trips?  “I’m doing this for you and you don’t appreciate it”, or “You don’t understand how I feel”.  Let me tell you something, mister.  I did what you are doing five years ago, I know exactly what you are going through.  And more important, I got no support from you at the time because you kept bringing smokes to the house.  So there, leave me alone.

This is how it works.  They drive you crazy, you get cranky, there is very little sleep involved.  And you are not even in the worst part yet.  In about a week, the human body realizes that there will be no more smoking and starts getting rid of all those toxins, in something I call the worst cold you will ever get.  We are not there yet.  Frankly, I don’t want to deal with it.

Why do we put ourselves through this?  Because we love them and we want them to stay alive for as long as possible, even if today we just want them to shut up and move to an island.  It will be over soon, and this would be a distant memory.  I can’t wait.