Every Day a Tragedy

I don’t want to use my page to talk about bad news. Just thinking of the title of this post was painful. I want to bring happiness and hope to the millions of people who are like me, middle aged, without a job and/or looking for meaning in their lives.

Yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It feels like every day a tragedy strikes. In the last six weeks we’ve had three hurricanes in the US and one in India, an earthquake in Mexico and now a mass shooting in Las Vegas. It feels like every time we start to recuperate from one thing, another thing happens. What are we supposed to do?

I live with anxiety and depression and all I wanted was to go back to sleep and wake up in a couple of weeks. I don’t take medication and times like this can make it a lot harder to move on. It is definitely not the time to try something new. I’m not even hungry and if you know me, you know that is strange.

Because I am not on medication, I usually can tell when things are getting overwhelming. This is different. When the things that trigger you are mostly natural disasters, you have very little warning. The great thing is that self study here is very important. I had said during the weekend that it was time to move forward, even though I still don’t know where half of my friends and family are (in Puerto Rico). When Vegas happened and I realized I had friends there, I went back to square one and then, this morning, I remembered we are in October.

October is my favorite month, it is a prelude to my birth month. Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year because it starts the 21 day countdown to my birthday. I had planned certain things for my business and my life in this month and I decided after taking a deep breath, that I was going to start Tuesday with a clean slate.

That is my message to you. It is OK to mourn and feel overwhelmed. At some point, and only you know when it is right, you have to take a deep breath, start again and keep it moving. There is going to be a tragedy every day for someone. Just don’t stay there and make it worse for yourself.

I hope this message brings you some relief.

Let me know how do you deal with situations like this in the comments section below.

Pray and/or donate for Puerto Rico

Panic

Beautiful Sunny Day

It’s a beautiful, sunny day here in Florida.  It is my second day alone and I am looking forward to running some errands, reading a book and maybe sneaking a walk in the park.  My first errand involves going to the local Publix supermarket to get some solid food (food poisoning during the weekend, today is my first normal day in a while).  I sit back in my car, play some 80s music and turn the corner to leave my complex.

That is when I notice it.  For some reason, my heart is pounding so loud I feel I can hear it outside of my chest.  It is, without a doubt, the scariest moment since I recovered from my ailment this weekend.  I don’t understand! Two minutes ago I was happy to be going out and now, I don’t think I am going to make it to the store less than a mile away.

I have learned to stop myself and start breathing.  I actually count how many seconds I breath in (5) and how many I breathe out (10).  Breath in – breath out.  Again.  Slow that heart rate down a little.  Make it to the parking lot.  Take another deep breath.

Ten minutes later, as I load on no good for me cereal, a water bottle, some granola bars and other pertinent snacks, I almost forgot the horrible sensation I had minutes before that the world was coming to an end, well, at least, my world.

What you just read is my description of my panic attack.  You don’t know when they are coming, how long they will last, and it always ends the same way.  I, for one, cannot understand why minutes before I thought I was going to die when I am almost skipping down the aisles of the supermarket.

Business people rarely speak about panic attacks, or any other mental health issues.  There is such a ridiculous stigma associated with the disease.  Recent studies put the number of sufferers of panic disorders at 6 million.  When you consider that the US has a population of 224 million, it is easy to see why we don’t talk about them.  It is less than 3% of the population.  It is my suspicion that the number is severely incorrect.  I, for one, usually don’t make it a habit to tell people I have them.  I also don’t take medications for depression or anxiety, because I think they are crap.  That does not mean you might not be helped by them.  I have discovered through years of experience, that I tend to develop secondary effects that are usually the realm of 5% of the population (which is why sometimes even doctors have a hard time believing me).  To give you an example, I am the rare bird that only develops the flu when given the flu shot.  Since I tend to have such horrible reactions to normal medications, I have to look at other methods to heal myself.

The reason why I want to talk about panic attacks is because to me this is important.  This is not a sexy topic and people might think you are weird.  If you suffer a panic attack, I want you to know that you are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you, and if you are female, you happen to be more likely to get a panic attack.

Even more surprising, middle age seems to be a magnet for it.  I remember a mental health expert once telling us in a chat that there is a long-standing theory that when we get to our late 40s and 50s, we look back and realize the best years of our lives are over and we did not do what we set out to do.  That is when the panic sets in.

If you look at the information from the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), the evidence is clear.  Almost 60% of the people who suffer panic attacks are between the ages of 35 and 60, with the highest numbers pertaining to those of us between 45 and 59. They also cite being female as a risk factor.  I have my own theories of why that is but I don’t want to get into a debate about feminism on this particular post.  According to Psychology Today the female to male ratio is 72% female.  Let that sink in for a minute.  Women are three times more likely to get panic attacks than men.

So what can we do about this?  How can we help a friend experiencing this?  Is there any hope?  The first thing I want to repeat is that if you are suffering from panic attacks, you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.  It is time we stop talking about mental health issues as if we were broken in some way.  You can be the strongest person or the weakest one and still have a panic attack.  If you notice a friend or yourself experiencing this particular issue, counseling can help.  Most insurance cover these expenses and if you work for a corporation, many of them have excellent services.

The last thing I want to talk about is the issue of hope.  Many people think that they might be crazy, on their way to a facility without any hope of recovering.  It is interesting to note that most people experiencing panic disorders can see relief in 12 months.  There are many treatment options available.  If you are like me and don’t like medications, tell your doctor.  There are other ways to deal with it and she should be well-informed and capable of providing you other options available.

As for me, breathing exercises always work.  I happen to recognize the symptoms and lucky for me, they don’t happen very often.  In fact, the last panic attack I had, happened about 3 or 4 years ago.  I have a routine I follow to recover and I take very good care of my mind.  I want to repeat again, do what works for you and don’t be ashamed to ask for help.  You will get better.

If you have any other suggestions or tips on how you deal with panic attacks constructively, leave your comment below and share this article with others who might experience this.  I am not a doctor.  I am an expert on me.  I know what works for me.  Make sure you get the help you need and get ready to thrive once more.

Putting My Foot Down, or Both

Putting My Foot Down
Putting My Foot Down

As the days have ticked by on my calendar, I started noticing an interesting thing. I am willing to try new things. If any of those involve anything that I was planning to do with my dad, the plan has gone to shreds. This has to stop. After three years of surgeries, cancer, Alzheimer’s diagnosis and weight gain (for several members of the family) I am exhausted, unemployed and unhappy. It is time for putting my foot down, or both, into a new way of life.

When my father passed away on January 17th, the world kind of stopped. I kept living day to day in a numb state. Our goal was to walk to the grocery store and back. That is a nice three mile walk. My daughter got a punching bag and he was going to teach her how to box. There is a couple of packages of cookies he purchased in his attempt to put weight back on that are still open in the coverts. I just don’t have the heart to throw them out. I packed all of his shoes in a bag to give to charity and never got around to doing that either.

So today, after having a long conversation with my partner in crime, I decided it was time to start. I am severely out of shape and rounding 240 pounds. I am pretty sure that I should never eat meat again unless I prep my stomach better. I need to stop relying on going to the store every day and start cooking at home. When I say I put my feet down, I mean I put my exercise pants on, tennis shoes, and went for a walk. Thinking that I was going to walk about half a mile, we took 35 minutes and when we measured, it turned out we had walked 1.3 miles. Needless to say, I am happy I might not be in as bad a shape as I thought I was.

If you are going through a similar situation, I give you this. Do you really think your loved one wants you to stop living because they are not? No, I don’t think so either. So whatever it is you are not doing because they are gone, put your foot down, or both and start walking. One step at a time. Before you know it, you will get to your destination and they will be thrilled, wherever they are.

So what do you think you want to do for yourself and your health today? Leave us a comment below.