I have decided to give a name to my condition. It is called RBS or Restless Brain Syndrome. My friends think it is when your brain runs with a million thoughts and not letting you sleep. For me, it is a little different.
Every so often, I get restless. I start feeling like I have not accomplished enough. I want to do something to help others, help myself, have a good time and make some money. Meantime, I am sitting here, middle-aged and middle mind. I am not going anywhere and I feel like a rat on a wheel. The last time I felt like this, I got up one morning and said I was leaving the country that I was born in to make a life back in the USA. That was about four years ago. Well, actually, it was exactly four years and seven months ago.
Here is where it gets tricky. When this happened in 2009, I did not have a job, my kid was graduating from high school and the economy back home was three times worse than here. So, I got up with no money, picked a suitcase for me and one for my daughter, and moved here sight unseen. I got lucky that the apartment was great. The state I picked has not grown on me at all, maybe because the first three years I did not have a good job or a car. Things are a little different now. I love the place where I work and they pay well. I can see myself growing with the company. I just don’t know if I want to stay here for five more years. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. That is where the RBS kicks in.
My condition also comes from the fact that I have just spent four weeks recovering from surgery and calibrating my life. I’m not happy where I am physically, mentally, emotionally or professionally. I think I have a lot more to contribute. I don’t know what I am going to do with myself. And this is where the wheels are spinning and I don’t know when they are going to stop.
So how do I deal with this. Lucky for me, I quit smoking a long time ago. I don’t drink alcohol, so that is not an issue and I was never a druggie. Needles and stuffing things down my nose were never an option and to be honest, I don’t even like drinking Tylenol, so any other drugs would be a major imposition on my lifestyle. Another alternative would be to eat crappy food, which right now I am not allowed to do. The only other choice is to finally start running…which I am not allowed to do for one more week and weight lifting, which I am not allowed to do for another week.
In the meantime, I am reading, I am writing and I am getting headaches from all this thinking. So I ask you, what do you do when your mind is going around at a million miles an hour and you are just BORED with where you are? Leave your comments below.